


Honesty

by keithkolame



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt Lance (Voltron), Hurt/Comfort, Insecure Lance (Voltron), Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) Has Self-Esteem Issues, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Lance (Voltron)-centric, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Lance (Voltron), Suicidal Thoughts, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-09
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:42:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26917558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/keithkolame/pseuds/keithkolame
Summary: Do you ever want to read something specific but you can’t find it so you write it? Basically team Voltron goes to a planet that values honesty above everything else and it’s revealed that Lance wasn’t exactly being honest with his team. Kind of inspired by that one fic called Burning Blue on tumblr by langsty-langst-lance (such a good fic.) Can’t decide if I want to leave it as a one shot or continue. Comment if you want a chapter 2!
Comments: 9
Kudos: 182





	1. Chapter 1

Lance knew that they had an important diplomatic mission later that day but couldn’t bring himself to pay attention to much of what was coming out of Allura’s mouth. He caught bits and pieces between his brain screaming at him, louder than usual; enough to know that the people of this planet are very intuitive. His wrists itched, craving something to drown the thoughts out. He settled with digging his nails into cuts from the night before, letting the pain flood his body. He sighed in relief. 

Allura mentioned that honesty was important to the people of Drizoden and that they could sense deceit and disingenuousness. Lance wondered if they’d be able to tell that his smile was fake or that his jokes and light-hearted nature covered up something deeper. He figured he wasn’t directly lying by doing this, he was simply concealing the truth, right? 

“Lance? Are you ready? We’re heading out,” Hunk said, jostling Lance from his thoughts. He looked around and noticed that his teammates were no longer in the room. He must have let himself get swallowed by his thoughts. God, he had to stop doing that. 

Nodding his head, Lance replied, “Good to go. Just got a bit distracted.” 

They landed on the planet soon after, stepping off the ship to a large welcome party of aliens that looked vaguely like lions with more humanoid features. They stood on 2 feet, towering above the paladins at their full height. 

“Welcome, Paladins!” One of them greeted. “Follow me,” the alien said, beginning to walk toward a large and ornate structure. 

Before they were able to enter said structure, they were stopped by a pair of particularly large aliens dressed in gold and silver armor. The alien leading them toward the structure grinned, showing off a row of sharp teeth, and explained that the paladins must be screened before entering the castle per protocol. Allura offered to go first. One of the guards clasped her arm in a forearm style handshake. He explained that while the Drizoden could always sense dishonesty, they were able to get a better reading of each others true emotions with physical contact.

“We want to welcome you to Drizoden. What are your intentions here?” The guard asked, his tone even and non-threatening. 

Allura explained their intentions to bring the people of Drizoden into their alliance to fight the Galra empire. She was allowed through and remained on the top step of the building, waiting for the rest of the team to be screened. The rest of the team were asked the same question, each answering in a similar way to Allura until only Lance was left. He was ready. What he wasn’t prepared for was how strong the grip of the Drizoden would be when they grabbed his forearm. He let out a small hiss at the pain he felt when their arms joined, praying that the alien hadn’t noticed. His prayers were ignored. 

The Drizoden looked confused, loosening his grip before asking the paladin if he was okay. 

“Of course, I’m fine. I just have injuries from battle,” Lance explained, still gripping the alien’s forearm. 

The Drizoden’s confused expression turned into something resembling suspicion. 

“I do not want any trouble, but you were not honest in what you just said,” the alien stated, eyeing Lance up and down. 

The entire team was watching them now, and Lance felt himself begin to sweat. “I’m uh- I’m not- I just,” Lance begin, trying to stutter out an excuse. He pulled his arm away from the guard, who looked down at his hand.

“Lance what is it? Please be truthful,” Allura said, looking perplexed. 

The guard spoke up, holding up his hand to reveal small splotches of blood, “You are injured, Blue Paladin. You require medical attention. What happened? You can trust our people. We just want to help.”

Lance averted his gaze, knowing that he was stuck. They would know if he was lying, and he couldn’t just not explain. His team would demand an answer, would ask to see his injuries. 

“I- well- I’ve got a bad habit of sorts. I hoped no one would have to worry about this. You guys don’t need anything more to stress over on top of what is going on. It’s just a bad habit and I never go too deep. I’m always careful.”

While Allura, Coran and the guards looked confused, the rest of the team understood immediately what he was referring to. 

Shiro stepped forward. “Lance are you saying that you hurt yourself? On purpose?” He asked slowly. 

Lance could do nothing but nod. 

“Wait, that is not a normal human behavior, correct?” Allura stepped in.

“No, it’s not. But it is something some people do. A coping mechanism,” Shiro explained. 

“Why?” Allura asked, the question directed at Lance. 

Lance felt so incredibly uncomfortable. Not only did the entire team know about his little secret now, but so did the aliens standing around him, their expressions a mixture of confusion and pity. He was so embarrassed. “Can we talk about this later, please?” 

A guard spoke up. “I can see that this is important, and we will gladly give you the space to discuss this now. I am sure you know by now how much my people value honesty. Blue Paladin, it is vital that you open up to your teammates. Honesty makes a team stronger and we need all the strength we can get in the fight against the Galra.”

Lance could hardly argue with this. Instead he nodded and allowed himself to be led, along with his teammates, to a meeting room within the building. When the team was left alone, and heavy silence blanketed the room. 

Keith finally spoke up. “Why, Lance?”

“it’s just a bad habit. It’s really not that big of a deal,” Lance tried. 

“I’m not even a Drizoden and I know that was a lie,” Hunk spoke up.

“You heard what the guard said. Please, Lance. We just want to understand,” Pidge pleaded. 

Lance sighed, feeling a heavy layer of guilt overwhelm him. He was holding the team back. With his lies and incompetence and stupidity. He figured the least he could do was tell the truth.

“I’m not an important part of this team. I am the least competent, the least skilled, the least reliable. I ruin everything. I always have. I’m so incredibly worthless. And I’m just not cut out for this,” Lance sighed. “I know I’m just saying things you all already know. Lance. The fuck-up, the goofball, the disposable member. I guess it’s important to have at least one member who is expendable, in case someone ever needs to sacrifice themselves for any reason. That’s the only job I’m cut out for anyway,” Lance finished, laughing bitterly. 

He scanned the room, waiting for his teammates to agree or yell at him or kick him off the team. He wasn’t expecting the expressions on their faces. He certainly wasn’t expecting several of them to start crying. Those who weren’t crying looked shell-shocked. After a good minute of silence, Shiro spoke up. 

“Lance, you aren’t expendable. You aren’t incompetent or a fuck-up or literally any of the things you just said. Do you really believe that?”

“Of course. It’s the truth,” Lance replied confidently. “I figured you guys only keep me around in case you need someone to suicide bomb or be a distraction or something. You don’t need to feel guilty about it. I know the team would be better off if I were dead anyway.”

“How can you say that, Lance?!” Keith spoke up, eyes full of anger. “We would lose our fucking minds if you died! You’re-you’re-you’re Lance! Sharpshooter, confident, flirtatious, supportive Lance! You’re an incredible friend and a vital part of this team. I can’t even comprehend the fact that you think you’re worthless or disposable. So, you’ve just been lying to us about who you are this whole time?”

“How could I not?! If I showed you who I really was you all would have run in the other direction. I’ve tried to make myself seem normal, seem useful! I guess I overcompensated a little bit, but it was easier than facing the truth. Because the truth is, I shouldn’t have been allowed to be on this team in the first place. I should be dead. I deserve it,” Lance said, tears welling up in his eyes. 

“Lance, I know I speak for everyone here when I say that you are wrong. You are so far off base you’re on a different field! We need you. I know that I won’t be able to convince you but I just need you to hear that you are loved and important and a good person. We all love you,” Hunk said, tears now flowing freely from his eyes. 

“We will help you, Lance. No matter what it takes, we will help you. We won’t let you keep hurting yourself and we certainly won’t let you die,” Allura said. 

“Please, Lance. The causalities in this war are too high already. Let us help you,” Coran added in a reassuring voice. 

“I don’t want to cause any of you pain. I just genuinely think that the team would be better without me. Allura can fly Blue. All I do is hurt people and cause trouble and on top of that I’m annoying as hell. Why would any of you want me here? You guys aren’t stupid. So why am I still here?” Lance questioned. 

“You’re still here because you’re wrong. You’re dead wrong,” Keith said.

“Hah, I wish,” Lance scoffed. 

“Lance! You’re wrong about everything. All of that shit, it’s a lie. I know that you don’t think so but I know it’s not true,” Keith continued. 

“Okay, okay, I get it. Whatever you say, Keith,” Lance said, a pained smile painting his face. “Can we please get to this diplomatic mission before I ruin the entire thing?”

“You aren’t ruining anything. Fine, we should get to the mission. But we are not done discussing this,” Shiro said.

“We’re going to help you, Lance. Whether you like it or not,” Pidge said.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This story has a lot of plot holes so don't look to closely. More of a vent fic than anything else. I'll probably add 1 or 2 more chapters. Sorry this chapter ends kind of abruptly, I ran out of motivation.

Because there wasn’t a whole lot the team could do about Lance’s issue at the moment, they agreed to discuss it and come up with a game plan when they got back to the castle. In the meantime, they had an alliance to form. Lance was relieved to be let off the hook, even if only temporarily. When they exited the room, their host, who was waiting nearby, asked them how the team discussion went. The team all looked at each other, not really sure how to answer.

Finally, Pidge spoke up. “I think it was a good first step.”

“That room, its special. I didn’t tell you this before because I did not want you to be wary, but that room encourages honesty.” He turned toward Lance and said, “I am glad you were able to be honest with your teammates. Truth be told, I could sense something was wrong from the moment I touched you.”

Lance realized that although he’d tried to fight off the feeling and lie when he first entered the room, he was way more honest about his mental state than he might have been in a normal circumstance. He hadn’t put up much of a fight against telling the truth once Hunk called him out for lying the first time. He thought back to what’d he divulged; the more words he remembered coming out of his mouth, the more he wanted to sink into the earth. 

“Wow, did I really just tell you guys all of that? That’s embarrassing,” Lance said, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“Honesty and trust are not embarrassing. They make room for growth and deeper connection,” the guard responded, smiling at Lance. 

Lance couldn’t help but smile back at their lion-like host, oddly comforted by his words.

“Now, is everyone ready to meet the head of the Drizoden? She is eager to make team Voltron’s acquaintance,” the alien said, leading them toward a set of carved wood double doors. 

Despite the temporary comfort their host had provided, Lance felt the anxiety creeping back in more and more with each step he took. By the time they reached the doors, Lance felt desperate. He had just told them way too much. They were forever going to look at him differently. He slid a hand up his sleeve to push his fingernails into the cuts on his arm, but they were covered, having been treated before the obligatory team meeting. He started trying to shove the bandages upward for better access when he felt a hand on his shoulder. Keith shook his head at Lance, and Lance quickly pulled his hand out from his sleeve. So much for that. 

The alien pushed open the double doors to reveal a sprawling room with brightly colored décor. Despite its size, it felt warm and inviting. They were led to a long table in the middle of the room to be seated. The Drizoden’s leader was a being that exuded power and grace. She had a warm smile, despite the row of sharp teeth. The meeting went similarly to other diplomatic meetings, and when they had reached the end of it, they were told that the people of Drizoden were holding a party in honor of their newly formed alliance. 

The alien pushed open another set of doors, even larger and more ornate than the first set, to reveal a room that dwarfed the room they were currently in. Apparently, the huge space had been the royal meeting room, and the room opening up in front of them was the ballroom. It was bigger than any ballroom Lance had seen on earth and was full of food, drinks, music, laughter, and the people of Drizoden. Lance felt his stomach drop. The leader explained that their celebrations included the entire people of Drizoden, which was why the room was so massive. 

The sound of happiness was overwhelming Lance, but he had done parties before. He was an expert and smiling and laughing as if nothing was wrong. But would the Drizodens recognize his deceit? They began with introductions to important Drizodens around the room. Lance dutifully smiled and made small talk. Until he noticed a few aliens giving him odd looks and whispering. He headed toward a balcony away from the party. His fake smile started to falter, and he looked down at his hands to avoid looking at anything else. 

“Are you alright?” A voice asked him, pulling him from his thoughts. It was a Drizoden girl, wearing a lovely shade of blue and standing a full foot taller than Lance. Lance recognized her from a group he had talked to earlier. 

“I’m okay,” Lance said automatically. He cringed, realizing that she’d likely be able to tell he was lying. 

“I’m sure dishonesty is common in your culture, but I know that you are not okay,” the girl said, meeting his eyes with her feline ones. 

“Okay, so I’m not okay. What gave me away?”

“I could tell when I saw you talking to someone earlier. Whenever you smiled or laughed, I could tell it wasn’t genuine.”

Lance looked panicked. “So, everyone here knows I’m a fraud, huh? Why haven’t they kicked me out yet?”

“Like me, they can tell that you are not a threat. You are not lying about wanting to help our people and bring peace to our planet. You are lying about yourself. You act happy but you are not. Why are you not? Are you not enjoying the party?” She asked. 

Lance opened his mouth to claim he wasn’t much a party person but realized she’d easily catch him in the lie. “I’m just,” Lance sighed. “I’m having a hard time.”

The alien nodded and rested a hand on Lance’s shoulder. She pulled away quickly, gasping. Lance turned to look at her, eyes widening in surprise. 

“You- you’re- When I touched you, I-“ the girl stuttered. “I am able to feel true emotions through physical contact in a more direct way than most of my people. While most Drizoden can simply sense the emotion, some will actually experience it. You are certainly not okay. If you feel like this all the time…” she trailed off. “Do you feel like this all the time?”

“Yes. Most of the time, at least,” Lance said, looking down. 

“The guilt? The deep sadness curling in your stomach? The overwhelming anxiety? The self-hatred? I felt like I wanted to die and I only felt it for a moment,” she whispered. “You feel like this all the time?”

“Unfortunately, yes.”


End file.
